A female student talks about her addiction to pornography. By Jennifer M. I am 18 years old, with an independent nature and sometimes shy persona. I grew up all my life in the church. When the newly formed contemporary worship team invited me to play the drums, I finally found my place in the church. Life was pretty good, but I felt empty. Later in high school the emptiness grew and my curiosity grew to find something, anything to satisfy me. First I turned to petty things, like stealing cigarettes from my abusive uncle. But that wasn’t strong enough to distract me from life and fill that emptiness. I wouldn’t give up that easily. I’m Jennifer, as strong as steel and I will get what I want. As a computer geek, I could access a lot of things that the average person would have no clue about how to do. I found what I wanted, and I got what I wanted. Pornography. Before you knew it, I was addicted. This disease was not a replacement for sex in my life… in fact, I was a virgin and still am. It was simply something to fill up the emptiness I felt in my life. When I was sad, when I had a bad day, I could simply go into my room, shut the doors, and feel better again. And it was free. It was harmless. No one would know. Every time I turned to the internet, what I lusted after would eventually not be enough. Like drug addicts going after harder and harder drugs, I had to go after harder sources of fulfillment. It never ended until God stepped in. I don’t really know when, or why, or how (besides the much-needed intervention of God), but one day I came to the sudden realization about how screwed up my life was. My father used to smoke, and he quit smoking COLD. No patches, no gradual cut down. That’s what I knew I had to do. I discovered that God was the only thing that could heal my emptiness. I deleted EVERYTHING off my computer. All the web pages, all the videos, all the passwords, everything that would lead me back down the path that had labeled me a disgusting person. Harmless curiosity so easily turned to addiction. Soon after, I went on a Christian retreat. I was excited, but I didn’t expect the life changing effect it would have on me. That weekend I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ. This means that I said to God once again: I want to live for you, totally and completely. I want to be a new creation (2Cor. 5:17), transformed by the love you have shown me. I know that I have done many wrong things, and even the righteous things that I do are not worthy of you (Isaiah 64:6). But I also know that God saved us because of His mercy, not because of things we had done (Titus 3:4-5). So from that day on, I make a commitment to God saying that what He thinks would be more important than what the world thinks or I think, and that all that I do will be for His glory, things that He wants me to do. The love that I experienced at the retreat was the thing that won me over. I knew that God loved me… but this much?! I was surrounded by people I didn’t know that were serving me left and right, praying for me, giving me advice, and expressing the love they had for me. But why did they love me, complete strangers? The Bible says that “we love because He first loved us” (I John 4:19). They loved me because they felt God’s love for them. And now that I feel God’s love for me, I want to share it with the world as well! In addition to the love, I experienced worship music in a way I never have before. I grew closer to old Christian friends and made new ones. After that weekend, Jesus was shining in my face and in my actions. Every day I have found reason to praise God… there was no emptiness left in me. No anger. No loneliness. No sadness. No fear. In Psalms 119:62 it says, “At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.” That’s how I feel right now. I feel like rising in the middle of the night, just to praise God and worship Him for the change that He’s brought in me and my friends. You can never be too young or too old to change because of God. “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1Tim. 4:12). Today. Today give yourself up to God — fully and completely. You have nothing to lose, and eternal life to gain. Paul says, “For the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). Take that offer and run. Run to God because you are His and always will be. When the whole world has turned away from you, He will be there, because He is, was, and is to come. And He loves you.
Published by boazolaosebikan
I have been asked several times why I choose writing poetry and motivating people. Well, my answer is simple: If you find yourself in my side of life, you'll definitely be grateful about the simple things life offers. You'll come to understand that every single day is an opportunity, and a reason to be grateful. I love what I do not because I generate a flow of income from it, but because in what I do, I can define my life and at the same time give meaning to someone elses life. As a poet my perception to life and the things that happen around me is quite endearing. I see life from the angle of possibilities. "Having overtime understood that drooling over situations never change the results, I choose to be optimistic at all levels and sphere of life." Born into a humble background, where my Destiny helper took the pains of seeing me through school as his last born and integrate me into his blissful family. gave me quite the necessary lessons I needed to become the man I have grown to be. Life is simply amazing when you see situations as a class and a needed lesson. I am simply an observer, I try my best to sketch out my tomorrow from my today's views. As a motivator, I see every experiences as a needed tool to help my friends, acquaintance and the entire society towards making the right choices. When you appreciate the person you have become, you can easily define your life's journey from where you came from, having a clear vision and understanding of your desired destination. Self-discovery means many things. It means finding your purpose in life (we all have a purpose), it means digging deep into your childhood and revealing the experiences that shaped you... good and bad. It means realizing what your beliefs are and living by them. The effects of self-discovery include happiness, fulfillment, clarity and maybe even enlightenment! The journey however is not always an easy road. The journey includes fear, confusion, misunderstanding, doubt and literally re-visiting all your choices in life. I like to refer to it as reshuffling of the mind, your emotions and your surroundings (including the people in your life). It requires making some tough decisions and sticking to them. My journey so far has seen me cut people out of my life. I call them the “takers.” They were takers because I allowed them to be and it wasn’t until I realized that many of these relationships were one-sided — self- discovery — that I decided to cut them out. It has also seen me completely change the course of my life and start to follow my true passion and purpose (poetry and motivation). I have also started to set intentions and no longer have expectations from others — okay... this one is really hard for me and it’s a work in progress — but instead I have started to look within for answers. I’ve had several set backs along the way and I have no doubt I will have many more but, I’m not giving up. What I know for sure is that the journey is worth taking. I am slowly becoming my true self, more aware and more tolerant. I am learning how to pay attention to my feelings and understand myself better. What I know for sure is that I have had several unrealistic expectations, which have set up for disappointment. Apparently because I lie to myself. Why do we do this? Why do we lie to ourselves? And more importantly, why do we allow ourselves to get away with it? When someone else lies to me and I find out about it I freak out. “How dare he lie to me? Does she think I’m stupid?” but, we lie to ourselves profusely and even cover up our own lies by accepting them as truth in order to reassure ourselves that it’s okay!!! What I know for sure is that being true to my feelings and accepting the poet and motivator in me and also acknowledging him as well as validating him has released so much fear in me. It has released my fear of not being good enough as well as my fear of not living up to the expectations I set for myself. What I know for sure is that we are usually our own worst enemy. We hold ourselves back in so many ways and accepting who I am, helps me move away from that pattern. The freedom you will feel within yourself starts when you accept the person you are or have become without being bias. However, the universe will give you back in rewards when your passion and obsession for who you are and what you believe in supercedes the challenges and discouragement that comes from your distrators. View all posts by boazolaosebikan